My Wish
by amandajz
Summary: Lulu decides to leave town and move on to bigger and better things. How will Johnny react? Will he finally realize what a mistake he's made and fight to win her back or will he set her free once and for all? One-Shot


**This is based my favorite song of all time, **_**'My Wish'**_**, by Rascal Flatts. If you've never heard it before, I encourage you to youtube it...it's such a beautiful song. Anways, lyrics are italicized and bolded. Please let me know what you think!**

_**My Wish**_

_Dear Lulu,_

If you're reading this right now, it means that you left Port Charles, and I'm not sure if, or when, you're coming back…

Lulu paused momentarily, her eyes widening in surprise as they slowly scanned over the lengthy letter that she held in her hands, the neat scribble of the writing that lined the paper piercing her heart with hope and despair all at the same time. She would know that handwriting anywhere. The familiar etch of his penmanship would always be recognizable to her; it, along with every other little thing about him, would forever be engraved in her memory.

Sighing softly, she resigned herself to the fact that memories of him were all that she'd ever have; they would serve as reminders of what she had once had…of what she had let slip through her fingers…of what she would always want, but knew that she never would, and never could, have again.

Pushing the thought that she'd never again have true happiness in her life out of her mind as best she could, she returned her attention back to the letter, wondering why he had written it, and better yet, how he had even managed to get it to her in the first place. She had been rummaging through the ridiculously over-sized designer handbag that Maxie had given her as a departing gift, in search of her vanilla flavored chopstick, when she had found it, the off-white color of the envelope that it had been tucked inside of catching her eye and piquing her curiosity. She had quickly pulled it out of her purse, instantly wondering if it was even meant for her. It hadn't been addressed to anyone, and she certainly hadn't wanted to be held responsible for tampering with someone else's personal letter. For all she knew, it could have been a love letter that Spinelli had accidentally slipped into her purse instead of Maxie's. There was no way in hell that she had wanted to read anything even remotely close to a love letter that was meant for the 'fair Maximista'…her eyes would have been scarred for life.

Maxie had just given her the purse before she had left for the airport though, and Maxie being Maxie, had insisted that she switch the contents from her old purse over to her new purse immediately; there was no way that she could arrive in Paris with a handbag that was 'so last-month', as her friend had so eloquently put it. Knowing that Maxie wouldn't be satisfied until she did what she told her to, Lulu had sucked it up and switched purses, even though she found nothing wrong with the shoulder bag she had just bought a week earlier. No one besides she and Maxie had been at the apartment that morning, and seeing as she had literally moved the contents she kept in her purse from one bag to the other just before she had left, there had been no way that Spinelli, or anyone else for that matter, could have put the letter into her purse by accident.

The wheels in her head had turned rather quickly though, helping her to realize that Maxie hadn't wanted her to switch purses for just any old reason... when it came to Maxie, there was always a reason for everything. She had reasoned that the letter must have already been in the purse when Maxie gave it to her, and that Maxie had insisted that she switch purses immediately so that she would find the letter in the near future, rather than three months down the road when she would have most likely decided to use the purse for the first time.

Assuming that the letter was from Maxie, a small smile had broken out on her face. Even after everything that they had been through, they were still good friends and it meant a lot to her that Maxie had taken the time write her the words that she couldn't physically say. It had felt good to know that, even though Maxie claimed that she wouldn't miss her at all, that deep down, Maxie thought of her as a good friend too.

Therefore, it had come as a complete surprise to Lulu when she had started to read the letter, only to realize that it wasn't from Maxie, but from the one person who hadn't even bothered to say good-bye at all. She knew for a fact that Maxie had told him that she was leaving, and although it had been against her better judgment, a small part of her had hoped against hope that he would stop her…that he would give her a reason to stay.

That hope had remained a part of her up until the very last second. It was only when she had boarded Nikolas' private jet that she had realized that she had been a fool. He had cruelly and willingly crushed her heart when he refused to fight for their love, and she couldn't believe that just because she was leaving that she had thought that he would finally realize what he had thrown away. She was stupid for believing that he would finally come to his senses. He hadn't cared before, and he certainly didn't care now. They were over; she knew it. Now came the hard part…she had to accept it.

Lulu didn't know what this letter meant or what it would all entail, nor did she much care at this point, but she figured that it couldn't hurt to read it. What was one more stab to her heart when it had already been stabbed more time times than she could count? Breathing deeply, she focused her eyes back on the paper she held in front of her and continued reading:

_I know that receiving a letter from me was probably the last thing you expected, or even wanted, but I couldn't just pretend that your decision to move halfway across the world didn't matter to me….it matters more than you'll ever know._

When Maxie told me that you were moving to Paris, a ton of emotions hit me at once. I was happy for you…happy that you're doing great things with your life, happy that you're moving on, happy that you're happy. However, I was also sad….sad that you're doing great things with your life, sad that you're moving on, sad that you're happy. That probably doesn't make much sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy, and I'm so grateful that you seem to finally be at that place in your life. But at the same time, as I'm sitting here writing this, I'm miserable because you're happy. I'm miserable because you're moving on and because you've put us behind you, while I'm still holding on to what we had. I'm miserable because I'm still holding out hope for us, even though I now know that all hope is gone. But most of all, I'm miserable because I'll never stop missing you and I'll never stop wanting you even though I know that you'll never be mine again. I'm miserable because I'll never be complete without you, because I can't imagine my life without you….because I don't even want to imagine my life without you in it.

The only thing in my life that's ever made sense to me is you. And even though I royally fucked that up, I admit that there was always a part of me that hoped that we would find our way back to each other one day. I thought that maybe one day, when I had worked all my shit out, that if I explained everything to you and begged like hell, that maybe, just maybe, you'd take me back. I know for sure now that that isn't the case. Your decision to leave has helped me to see that you've moved on…that you're over me and over us. Even if I went to you now and begged for you to take me back, you wouldn't be able to because you don't feel that way about me anymore, and that's okay.

You moving halfway across the country is like a sign to me…a sign that you are completely content with your life. You have made this life-altering decision to move on to bigger and better things, and that says a lot about where you are at in your life right now. You're doing just fine without me, just like I always knew you would, even though I secretly hoped that you would be just as miserable without me as I am without you. But I knew in the back of my mind that there would be a day that would come when that window to win you back would slam shut…I just never imagined that it would be this soon.

But anyways, the intent of this letter isn't to lament about my life and my feelings…it's to tell you good-bye. When I heard that you were leaving, there were so many things that I wanted to tell you, and this letter is the only way I knew how to do it without confronting you myself. I would have just told you everything in person, but I knew I wouldn't be able to do that without breaking down and begging you to stay…begging you to take me back. I know that's not what you want , and even though I'm sure you'd let me down easy, I don't think my heart could take the rejection. So, I wrote this letter and asked Maxie to give it to you. She promised me that she wouldn't let you read it until after you left…I didn't want you to read it and feel obligated to seek me out. That would have just caused both of us so much more heartache in the end.

Even though reading this is probably the last thing you want to be doing right now, I just can't completely let go of you, of us, without telling you how I feel. You meant everything to me…you still do…and I just want you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry for giving you nothing more than a whole lot of empty promises, and I' m sorry that l let you believe that I would be different than every other guy in your life when deep down I knew that I was exactly like every dame one of them. I made you cry, I blamed all our problems on you, I left you the first chance I got, I broke your heart….and for that, I truly am sorry.

As much as I wrote this letter to let you know how sorry I am for the way things turned out, I wrote it more to let you know of my hopes and dreams for you. I've envisioned so many great things for you since the very first day I met you, and even though this will not make any sense to you at all, it's partly because of those dreams that I have for you that I broke up with you. Part of me knew that I was holding you back…and even though I'll never stop wanting you, I am happy in knowing that my decision to set you free will provide you with the life and the happiness that you deserve...the life that you could never have with me in it.

I told you once that you were my muse made of moonlight that was sent to inspire me, and even if you don't believe one single thing that I've written in this letter, please believe that. I wrote you a song once, and no matter how hard I've tried, I have never been able to remember exactly how it went. But just thinking of you and the times we've had together draws oodles of inspiration, and that was all it took to write another song for you.

When sitting down to write this letter, I really struggled with trying to compose everything that I wanted to say. But then this song came to me, and I realized that it was perfect. So, I decided to record it. I missed out on the opportunity to play you the first song I wrote for you…I'm not about to let the same thing happen this time.

I brought it to Maxie, and she promised to download it on your iPod for me. So whenever you get the chance, I hope you'll take the time to listen to it…and I mean really listen to it. It's just my way of showing you that you inspired me more than anyone else ever has…more than you ever thought you did. And it's also my way of telling you of exactly what I wish for you…that's what it's called, 'My Wish'.

I know that everything that I've written so far is jumbled and complicated. It probably makes no sense and sends all kinds of mixed signals. But that's what you do to me Lulu…you make me angry and frustrated and proud and happy and turned-on all at the same time…you make my head spin; you make me feel funny, but in a good way.

If there's one thing that makes sense in this letter though, it's the song. So, please listen to it. That song is from my heart, and I promise that it says everything better than the words I've just written ever could.

Take care Lulu, and please know that no matter where you go or what you do, there'll always be at least one person who wants nothing but the best for you, and there'll always be one person that loves you more than life itself.

Love always,  
Johnny

Her hands trembling and her amber eyes rimmed with unshed tears, Lulu quickly set the letter aside and grabbed the backpack she had brought on the plane with her. Unzipping the zipper of the side-pocket, she reached in and pulled out her iPod. She fumbled with the earplugs for a couple seconds, before she was finally able to secure them in her ears and turn her attention to finding the song Johnny had written for her. Scrolling thru her song list, her heart skipped a beat when she came upon the 'M's' and saw her song there just waiting to be played. 'My Wish'…that was her song. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the play button and waited on baited breath to listen to the song that Johnny had written for her:

_**I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,  
And each road leads you where you want to go,  
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,  
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.  
And if one door opens to another door closed,  
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,  
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,  
But more than anything, more than anything…**_

_**My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.**_

_**I hope you never look back, but you never forget,  
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,  
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,  
And you help somebody every chance you get,  
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,  
And you always give more than you take.  
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything…**_

_**My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.**_

_**My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,  
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,  
You never need to carry more than you can hold,  
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,  
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,  
Yeah, this, is my wish.**_

_**This is my wish  
I hope you know somebody loves you  
May all your dreams stay big**_

Long after the last chords of the song had faded away, Lulu was still sitting in the same position, tears flowing freely down her face. This letter, this song, was the sweetest, most wonderful thing that anyone had ever done for her. She had been touched by the letter, but the song had made her stomach turn to mush and her heart sore.

Listening to her song had put a lot of things into perspective for her. It made her realize that her Johnny was back…the one that would move heaven and earth to make her happy, even if that included denying his own feelings by setting her free. But no matter how honorable his intentions were, he had everything completely wrong. He thought that she was leaving because she had finally moved on; little did he know that she was leaving because she thought that she would never be able to move on. Everywhere she went, there was always something that reminded her of him and the time that they had spent together. The heartache of the memories was too much for her to bear, so she had decided to take a page out of her dad' s book; she had decided to run. If she couldn't be with him, then it was better to not even be around him.

She realized now how absolutely ridiculous that was. Both she and Johnny were obviously still in love with each other and they both still wanted to be together. They were just running from each other because they had both bought into the mixed signals and misconceptions and thought that the feelings weren't mutual. The feelings were mutual though, and now that Lulu knew that, she wasn't about to sit back and do nothing about it.

Yanking the earphones out of her ears, she dove for the phone that was sitting on the coffee table in front of her and placed a call into the cockpit. She smiled brightly to herself when the pilot answered, and said, "Sorry, boys, but there has been a change of plans. Turn this plane around immediately…we need to go back to Port Charles!"

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Johnny heard clearly the click of heels against the floor from his seat in the booth at the Haunted Star, but he didn't even bother to look up. He had heard the same sound for the last two weeks; there was no reason for tonight to be any different. If he looked up, he was sure that he'd see what he had seen every single other night: the vision of Lulu in a fitted white dress, a smile adorning her lips and her hair framing her face like an angel. But that was all it was…just a vision. If he looked up, she'd disappear just as quickly as she appeared, and there was no use in his getting hopes up again just to have them snatched away when she disappeared into nothing but thin air.

"Are you just going to sit there staring at that table all damn night, or are you going to look up and finally see what's been in front of you all along?"

Johnny's breath caught in his throat, the sound of her angelic voice catching him by surprise. Every other time he had imagined her, she hadn't uttered one word. But that didn't necessarily mean that that night was any different, did it? Surely she wasn't there, standing in front of him…it just wasn't possible. She was in Paris by now, exploring the city and doing anything and everything but thinking about him.

Slowly looking up, he gasped in surprise. Standing in front of him was Lulu, decked out in a fire-red dress, her hands on her hips and her lips as dark as the dress she wore. He blinked several times, trying to make the image of her go away. It hurt too much to see her so close, and not be able to touch her. When she didn't go away though, he licked his lips and stuttered, "Lu-Lulu? What are you doing here?"

"I got your letter," was all she said, her eyes twinkling with a spark he hadn't seen there in a long time.

"What are you doing here? What about Paris?" he asked, dumbfounded. "I thought you had taken Kate up on her offer for you to oversee all Crimson operations from the Paris office?

"And I listened to my song," her angelic voice rang out, its sweet sound music to his hears. "And I know that we have a lot to talk about, but I can't be in Paris Johnny…not when my heart is stuck here in Port Charles with you."

Johnny stood up and moved to stand in front of her, his heart beating a million miles a minute. He hadn't been this close to her in forever, and the sweet smell of her perfume was enough to drive him wild with desire. "What….what are you saying?" he asked hesitantly, hoping that her presence there meant what he thought it did.

"I'm saying that life means nothing without you in it," Lulu said, intertwining her fingers with his. That familiar spark ran through them both, electricity flowing through both of their veins from the simplest of touches. "I'm saying that no matter what happened to us in the past, that I want you in my life. I'm saying that I love you and that I want you by my side for the rest of my life." She paused momentarily, before closing the distance between them and fitting herself flush against him. Even after all this time apart, they still fit perfectly together. Bringing her lips within millimeters of his, she whispered huskily, "I'm saying that I want you to kiss me right now…"

Johnny didn't need to be told twice; he immediately obliged, his mouth crashing against hers and eagerly massaging her perfect lips. He kissed her with everything he had, making up for all the kisses they missed while they had been apart. His tongue slipped out, running across the seam of her lips, begging for entrance. She granted it immediately, opening up her mouth and tangling her tongue with his as the passion between them heightened to a dangerously high level of ecstasy. It was a fervent kiss; it was raw, it was hungry, it was earth-shattering….it was everything he had been dreaming of and more.

Pulling back slightly when the need for air took over, Johnny breathlessly looked Lulu in the eye and said, "Can I tell you something?" When Lulu nodded, her body pressing even closer to his, he placed a chaste kiss against her lips and whispered, "I really did wish all of those things for you…but this is what I wished for the most; that you would come back to me. That I would be able to hold you in my arms again, that I would be able to kiss you anytime I want, that I would be able to look down and see your beautiful body below mine as I loved you over and over and over again. You're mine again Lulu...that's what I wanted the most…that's the greatest thing I wished for."

And he thanked God every single day for the rest of his life for making all of his wishes come true.  
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**_Please review! :)_**


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